Although I was able to go to work and function in that capacity, I was completely disconnected from any social settings. I was not dating. I did not socialize with my friends. I had difficulty sleeping. I would rarely eat and I had began to lose weight which was rare for me being a former personal trainer that took excellent care of my physical body. After several months I began to have fleeting thoughts of suicide and it appeared that my situation was hopeless.In an effort to alleviate some of the pain, I begin to read books dealing with depression.

As I read them I could see myself in some of the stories. I definitely had all of the symptoms of depression and I knew that I had to deal with it head on if I ever wanted to get my life back on track. After reading several books I realized that I was still deeply depressed and had not really begun to deal with the issues that were causing my depression. Instinctively I knew that I needed help and I decided that I would go into therapy.

After making the decision to get help, another series of challenges surfaced. First of all, how was I going to find a therapist? How would I know which one to choose? What if the therapist couldn’t help me? Would I be able to change? Could therapy “fix” me? What about the money? I was completely broke and definitely could not pay someone to listen to my problems. What was I going to do? These are just a few of the questions that were going through my mind.

My greatest fear was wondering what would happen if my employees found out. As a manager, I was considered the leader and I definitely did not want to appear weak in front of my co-workers. I believed that I needed to keep this a secret so that I would not lose the respect of my employees. In addition, I did not want my superiors to know because I thought I might lose my job if they found out.

After a few months of agonizing over these questions I knew that I had to take the chance and try therapy. I didn’t have any other choice. It was seek help or die. There was no gray area. I decided that I definitely wanted to live and I somehow gained the courage to go to a therapist office.

My first attempt at therapy did not go well. I walked into a therapist office and pretended that I was seeking information for a friend. I’m sure the people there knew this but they allowed me to walk out with some of their brochures and a phone number to their suicide hotline.

To be honest I was absolutely terrified. Although I was scared, deep down I knew that I would have to gain the courage to try again. I waited a few days and tried a different therapist office. This time I had a completely different result.

As I walked into the office I believe the receptionist picked up on my fear. I had began asking her questions about depression and whether or not they had any books that I could read. All of a sudden a therapist walked out and began asking me questions. “May I help you?” she asked. “Not really, I’m just looking for a little information about depression” “Are you depressed?” “I’m not really sure” I answered. “Why don’t you come inside and let’s talk a little. Is that alright?” “I guess so.”

As I followed her into her office it felt as if my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I was so nervous and afraid that I was literally dripping with sweat. She obviously picked up on this and began to put my mind at ease.

”What is your name?”

”Michael”

”Well Michael I can sense that you are a little nervous so let me start by asking what I can do to help you. Is there anything I can do for you?”

”Well maybe. I have been doing some research about depression and I think I’m depressed but I’m really not sure.”

”Do you feel depressed?”

”Based on what I’ve read so far I think I am. But to be completely honest I’m not sure I know exactly what depression is supposed to feel like. Does that make any sense to you?”

”It makes a lot of sense to me. Unfortunately most men do not recognize how they feel.”

“ Men have been conditioned to disconnect from their emotions and that makes it extremely difficult for men to express how they really feel. Most men will tell you what they think but they usually do not know how they feel. You apparently fit into this category.”

”I’m not sure if I really understand what you are saying but a part of me thinks that you are right.”

”You just validated the point I made. You are currently speaking from an intellectual perspective instead of an emotional one. It sounds as if you are disconnected from your emotions.”

“Let’s assume that you are right. If I am disconnected from my emotions how do I get reconnected? Do you have any books on how to do this?

“Unfortunately you can not reconnect to your emotions by reading books. In order for you to reconnect you have to relearn how to feel. This can be accomplished through therapy with me or any trained therapist”

“I really don’t understand what you mean. But if I decide to relearn how to feel how long will it take?

“I really can’t answer that question. It’s really up to you and how committed you are to doing the work.”

“What do you mean doing the work? What kind of work is involved?”

“In the therapeutic community we use the word work because it takes a considerable amount of effort to heal yourself so that you can reconnect with your emotions. Doing the work means that you become willing to opening yourself up on an emotional level. This can be quite difficult at times.”

“Well I believe I’m ready. I’m really tired of being alone and I definitely want to experience some fun in my life again. I think I can do this so how much will it cost?”

“I operate on a sliding scale based on your ability to pay. The most important thing is for you to make the commitment to yourself to heal and we can address the money issue at a later date. Are you ready to begin? Let’s set up a date and time for you to begin your healing.”

“I just wanted to thank you for being so nice and understanding. The truth is I was about to run out of your office before you showed up. Now I am really glad that I came because I really believe that you can help me.”

“That is a great attitude to have. I’m glad that you trust me enough to work with you. Just remember that I can guide you but you must be willing to do the work. As long as you believe that you can heal I can assure you that you will. Just stay committed and trust the process and you will be just fine. The truth is you have already done the hard part by showing up today. It takes an incredible amount of courage to be here and I’m proud of you for taking the first step.”

As I left the therapist’s office that day I knew that I had just taken the biggest step of my life. I did not know what to expect but I knew that I was willing to do whatever it took to heal my emotions and relearn how to feel. I became committed to my own healing and I can now say that I am emotionally healed and connected to my authentic self.

As the therapist mentioned, it was not easy but it was definitely possible. It has been one of the most challenging yet most fulfilling journeys of my life.

I can not put into words the joy I feel on a regular basis as a result of doing my emotional work. My relationships now work, my creativity and sense of reverence is enhanced, my love of nature has been rekindled and my professional life is rewarding and fulfilling. I took the road less traveled and it has made all the difference in the world for me.

I wanted to share this story because there is such a negative stigma about men and therapy that I believe it’s time for a new conversation. In this new conversation men will recognize the importance of healing their emotions and they will put forth the effort to do their healing work.

When we learn to support each other in our growth we can remove the fear and stigma of being emotionally vulnerable which will ultimately result in us being happier human beings. I personally believe that this is the most important work men can participate in and we must begin supporting each other through this process.

If we will gain the courage to do this work we will see a decline in domestic violence, child abuse, alcoholism and random acts of violence. The time has come for a new conversation about our emotional healing.

Are you willing to join the conversation?

(Coach Michael Taylor)

They are tired of watching their families fall apart, their health deteriorate, and their wallets be emptied by divorce, materialism, and senseless addictions that rob them of not only their money but their self esteem and dignity as well. They are tired of working at jobs that they hate just to try to keep up with the Jones’s. They are tired of the emptiness and feeling of meaninglessness in their soul that tells them that there has to be another way to exist, yet they don’t know how to change.

They are hungry for something new and different, and I believe that something different is A New Conversation with Men.

I know this because I used to be one of those men. I know what it’s like to be frustrated, tired, and hungry, and for the last twenty years I have been removing this frustration, eliminating my exhaustion, and satisfying my hunger to become a better man. As a result I will admit that my life is now working, and I feel happy and blessed to be a man. I wanted to share my story in hopes of empowering you to follow in my footsteps. I simply want you to become a better man.

This book is written to assist any man who wants to do just that: become a better man. It is written for the man who is sick and tired of being sick and tired, and it is written for that courageous man who refuses to settle for mediocrity and wants to live a life of excellence.

It’s been said that, “There is no power in the universe that can stop an idea whose time has come.” I believe the time has come for A New Conversation with Men, and there is nothing that can stop it. This book is written to start a new revolution for the hearts, minds and souls of men everywhere, and my hope is that this revolution changes the world for the better.”

So the million dollar question is this, “why is it so difficult to get men to change?”

To answer this question I would like to share a story with you that will serve as a metaphor for why men are so resistant to change.

Have you ever heard the story of how they train elephants? When an elephant is first born the trainers use extremely huge and heavy chains to chain them to the ground. No matter how hard the baby elephant pulls on that chain they simply can’t break free. The elephant will pull and pull until it reaches a point of exhaustion and then it realizes the futility in it’s efforts and eventually they stop pulling. As the baby elephant grows up, they begin using smaller and smaller chains on him, and the elephant continues to pull but the elephant knows from previous experience that no matter how hard they try they simply can not break free. By the time the elephant is fully grown it only takes a small nylon rope to keep him imprisoned. A rope so small that it would only take a minimum amount of effort by the elephant to break free. Yet he wont do it. He simply stays trapped by an obstacle that is so small that it baffles the human mind that an animal that weighs several tons is being held back by a rope that would take very little effort on the elephants part to break free.

So why wont he do it? Why does he choose to stay imprisoned by such a small obstacle? The answer is simple, he does not “believe” that he can break through the obstacle based on his previous conditioning.

This is the primary reason most men are so resistant to change. They simply do not “believe” that they can change. Too many men fall victim to the belief that “that’s just the way that I am” and they refuse to be open-minded enough to see themselves from a different point of view. They remain locked in a prison in their own mind that keeps them from transforming their lives into something better.

Over the past 15 years I have lectured, coached and participated in many seminars that support men to embrace change and become authentically happy with themselves. I have watched men who were tough and rigid become loving and sensitive. I have witnessed men go from being a sleazy womanizer to being a monogamous, loving and caring husband. I have watched men be transformed from deadbeat dads to nurturing caring fathers, so I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that any man can change if he makes the commitment to himself and wants to change.

So now I wanted to take this opportunity to share the top five reasons I believe some men refuse to change.

1. Fear
2. Pride/Shame
3. Unwillingness to say I need help
4. Unwillingness to say I don’t know
5. Cultural conditioning

Fear
Most men may not admit it or they may not be aware of it but fear is the root cause of a mans unwillingness to change. We are afraid of change, afraid of failure, afraid of uncertainty, afraid of looking bad or being judged, afraid of success and afraid that we are not capable of change. Our culture has conditioned us to believe that feeling fear is definitely not okay so we repress and deny our fears and they show up in unconscious ways. For example: a man may appear to be tough and insensitive when in reality he is afraid of getting hurt so he uses being tough as a mask to hide his fear. Men devise a myriad of ways to deny their fears but it isn’t until they address them that they can truly change their lives.

Pride/Shame
Shame can be a powerful motivator but unfortunately it robs a man of his self worth and self esteem. When a man is driven by shame he feels that he is somehow inadequate or defective. So he tries to compensate by doing things that make him appear to be adequate and capable. Many high achievers are driven by shame. It can be a coping mechanism to temporarily help a man feel good about himself but unfortunately it is short lived because no matter what he accomplishes he still feels inadequate. If a man is gripped by shame he will definitely be resistant to change.

Unwillingness to say I Need Help!
I honestly believe that the three most difficult words for a man to say is “I Need Help!” Regretably, if a man is unwilling to admit he needs help he obviously can never expect to change. Most men will not admit that they need help until they experience some traumatic event in their lives. By then it is often too late and men will be forced to change after losing all they hold dear.

Unwillingness to say I Don’t Know!
The twin brother of I Need Help is I Don’t Know! It is another one of those simple phrases that men have so much trouble saying. By declaring that we don’t know, we open the door to know, and it isn’t until we admit that we don’t know, that we can truly learn and know something new. If a man is going to change, he must be willing to begin by saying I don’t know!

Cultural Conditioning
Just like the elephant in the story above we are conditioned by our upbringing and we carry an enormous amount of limiting beliefs about ourselves from childhood. In order to change, we must understand how our families our cultures and our media shapes our perceptions of the world. By becoming conscious of the limiting beliefs and perceptions we have about what it means to be a man, we open the door to change. Awareness is the key! By becoming aware, we open ourselves up to the possibility to change and to break through our cultural conditioning.

In summary, every man can change. What has been missing is a powerful positive resource to support them in their change. That is the intention of coachmichaeltaylor.com and my latest book A New Conversation With Men. I want to support you in your change and transformation because if I can change from a high school dropout who then climbed the corporate ladder to become a successful mid level manager, and then lost it all and experienced divorce, bankruptcy and foreclosure and then, rebuilt my life by becoming an entrepreneur, author, speaker and radio show host, then I know that you can change your life also.

The key is simple, you just have to remember “The Only Thing Constant Is Change!”

With all of the negative publicity surrounding men it’s easy to see why men get such a bad rap in society. Turn on any news channel right now and chances are you will see one of the following stories; senseless acts of violence, corporate corruption, divorce, DWI, pedophilia, infidelity and the list goes on and on. So the question I pose is this, “Are men the real problem?”

At first glance it may appear that the answer is a resounding yes. Men do perpetuate a lot of the aforementioned social ills in society, and, if we based our answer entirely on the media stories then we could come to the conclusion that men are guilty as charged.

So once again I pose the question, “Are men the real problem?

My contention is that the answer is an emphatic NO!

It is my fervent belief that men are not the problem, the problem is that men are trapped in an antiquated paradigm of masculinity which contributes to most negative male behavior. To clarify what I mean I’ll begin by giving you my definition of a paradigm. ” A paradigm is a rigid way of believing, thinking and behaving.”  You will not find this definition in a dictionary or other scholarly document. It is a definition that I created to help men understand how a lot of our behaviors are driven by unconscious societal programming. When we are able to grasp this definition it opens the door for us to begin understanding why some men act the way they do and it lays the foundation for us to create some concrete solutions to the challenges men face. This in no way excuses negative male behavior. Every man is 100% responsible for his actions. By understanding the word paradigm we can then get to the “cause” of negative male behavior instead of only dealing with the effects of that behavior.

In the old paradigm of masculinity men accepted that our roles were pretty simple. We were supposed to provide for and protect our families. Our job was to “bring home the bacon” and to “discipline the kids.” Therefore, most of us bought in to the American dream which consisted of having the wife, the house, the 2.5 kids and the 401K. Once we accomplished these things we declare that “we made it” and therefore our lives should be complete. In this paradigm men are not taught about the importance of our own psychological, emotional and spiritual well being. Therefore we neglect our own needs for the needs of our family and others and that is why our dreams sometimes turn into nightmares.

Speaking from experience, I was definitely trapped in the old paradigm back in 1989. I had done everything I thought I was supposed to do in order to be a man yet my life was a mess. Within a six year period I went from having everything to having nothing. I went through a divorce, bankruptcy, foreclosure and a deep state of depression and it got to a point where I even considered suicide. I was trapped in the old paradigm of masculinity and I had no idea how to get out. Fortunately for me, I heeded the advice of M. Scott Peck and I took the road less traveled. I chose to begin my journey of transformation and as a result I was able to break free from the old paradigm that I’m speaking about.

As a result of my twenty year journey, I discovered that what I needed to do was to first examine my deep rooted long held beliefs about what it means to be a man. This took courage, discipline and rigor and I had to be willing to confront several erroneous beliefs about masculinity that were driving my behaviors.  Beliefs like, to be a man you must be non-emotional and disconnected, or,  to be a man you must have money and material possessions, and, to be a man you must use sexual conquest as a gauge for manhood. These were just a few of the beliefs that I had to confront head on in order to break free. After discovering how my beliefs affect my thoughts, I then had to incorporate some new thoughts into my mind that supported my new understanding of masculinity. Thoughts like, “it’s ok to express my emotions openly and honestly.” “I don’t have to have material possessions to be loved” and “I can still be comfortable about my masculinity even if I choose to be celibate.” These new ways of thinking in turn began affecting my actions. As a result, I began sharing my emotions openly and honestly. I was no longer afraid of being labeled “weak” or overly sensitive and I became authentic in expressing how I really feel not just what I was thinking. As a result, all of my relationships became deeper and more intimate and I was able to get out of my head and into my heart and truly connect with others. I then made the commitment to find my life partner and I am happy to announce that I have been happily married for the past ten years and I have a marriage that truly nurtures and supports me.

This is what the new paradigm of masculinity is all about. It’s about encouraging men to embrace new ways of being men in this ever-changing world we live in. It’s about making it ok for men to be emotionally vulnerable and connected and removing the fear that in doing so, they will not risk losing their masculinity. It’s about breaking free from antiquated beliefs and behaviors that causes so much pain and suffering in our lives. It’s about empowering men to become better husbands and fathers, it’s about challenging men to create rewarding and fulfilling relationships and challenging men to create meaningful careers and dynamic health. In summary it’s about supporting men in becoming genuinely happy with their lives.

When society collectively recognizes that the old paradigm of masculinity no longer works and then makes a conscious choice to embrace a new paradigm, then we will recognize that men are not the problem but they definitely are the solution.

It’s time for a new conversation with men!

If you watch our media you should notice that we are constantly bombarded with images of sex and nudity. As the saying goes, “sex sells” and the marketers and advertisers make sure that they take every opportunity to take advantage of this adage. Companies use sex to sell everything from golf clubs to chicken wings and each year the advertising seems to get more and more provocative.

With this over-proliferation of sexual images one might conclude that everyone is engaged in sex 24 hours a day seven days a week. Not only do we assume everyone is doing it, we also assume that they are actually enjoying doing it! But if sex is so wonderful and pleasurable why are so many people so unhappy with their sex lives? Why is it that married couples tend to have less sex as time goes by? Why do people have affairs for sex when they should have access to all the sex they want if they have a committed relationship? Why do men put so much emphasis on sexual conquests as gauges for their manhood? Why do people have so much difficulty being honest about how they really feel about sex and have to lie and make up excuses for their sexual behaviors and appetites?

Although there are numerous answers to these questions I have come to the conclusion that there is one answer that really covers the gamut of most of these questions. This one answer is so simple yet so complex very few people will grasp it’s implication. The answer is so profoundly simple you probably will not believe it. If you have ever wondered why men obsess over sex yet remained unfilled I have the answer. If you have asked why people have affairs this will answer that question. If you get caught up in power struggles over sex this answer will shed light on the reason why.

And if you have ever wondered why it is so difficult to maintain a fulfilling sex life I have the key.

Would you like the key that will unlock the door to great sex? Are you willing to contemplate this answer so that you can create and maintain a wonderful fulfilling sexual relationship with your partner?

Here it is, the million-dollar answer you have been waiting for. The reason so many people are so unhappy with their sex lives is because our society has conditioned us to believe that sex is purely a physical experience when in truth it should be an emotional and a spiritual experience! Without the emotional and spiritual aspect of sex, people will always feel as if something is missing. It does not matter if you cause your mate to have powerful orgasm’s that send shivers up and down her spine. It does not matter if you have two-hour erections (dream on) that would make you an instant star in a pornographic movie. If your emotions are not involved, sex will always be empty and unfulfilling. You may experience temporary pleasure but ultimately if you will really examine your feelings you will feel in your heart that something just isn’t right.

This is why so many men are uncomfortable with cuddling after sex. If you are emotionally and spiritually connected with your mate then cuddling is a continuation of the sexual experience. Opening your heart and mind to the experience will always bring you closer to your mate. But most of us are very uncomfortable with this type of openness and vulnerability. The reason so many of us are unhappy is because we seek physical pleasure without emotional attachment and that is a recipe for addiction. In order to truly experience lovemaking and intimacy we must be able to feel the energy of love moving through us as we connect with our mate. We must learn to open our hearts and expose our true selves so that our partners can emotionally and spiritually unite with us. This may sound like something out of a romance novel but it is an attainable experience if you focus on the emotional aspect of your sexual encounters. Most of us are so committed to “getting laid” and simply “getting some” that we miss out on the most important aspect of sex which is sharing yourself with your mate in the emotional and spiritual act of lovemaking.

The time has come for all men to learn to make love to our mates and not just have sex with them.

Although most men will probably not admit this, we can be terrified of this level of intimacy because in the back of our minds we may be afraid to surrender our hearts to the people we love. Some of us keep up emotional blocks because we are too afraid to have that type of trust and connection. It sometimes seems easier to simply sleep around with multiple women to prove our manhood but the truth is we pay a heavy price for this detached way of behaving. A real man will take the risk and open his heart because in the end he recognizes that true love is about openness and surrender. He takes the risks to love and he is rewarded with love and connection.

Did you know that you could make love to your mate and never physically touch them? If this sounds impossible then you are trapped in the illusion of physical sex. True love is a function of the heart and mind and has absolutely nothing to do with your penis. If you really want to make love, leave your penis in your pants and learn to take out your heart and share it with your mate.

Are you ready for this new conversation about sex?

With my love of movies, I find it somewhat surprising that I have not written many reviews about them so I wanted to take this opportunity to share my interpretation of the latest blockbuster movie Avatar.

I can sum up the movie in one simple word. “MAGICAL” It really isn’t just a movie, it’s a visual and spiritual experience that has redefined going to the movies. From the very beginning to the climactic ending I was mesmerized by the pure beauty of the entire production. As a huge fan of computer generated imagery and science fiction,I was absolutely blown away by this film. Words can not come close to describing how technologically beautiful Avatar truly is. This movie has raised the bar and will be the standard through which future movies will be judged.

Of course it takes more than fancy computer generated graphics to make a great movie and this is another reason why I love this movie so much. The story works on so many different levels that it challenged me to really think about it’s message and it’s meaning.

The primary message that I came away with is that this movie is symbolic of the transformation of men in society.

Let me explain.

In the story, humans have traveled to a distant planet called Pandora. The planet has a very rare mineral called unobtanium that is needed to help save the earth. On Pandora, the natives are called the Na’vi people and they are ten foot tall blue colored humanoid type aliens. To help them secure the mineral, scientist develop a way to “grow” Na’vi people (Avatars) in a special facility and then they can connect human beings to a machine that allows them to transfer their spirits into the Avatar bodies which were developed in the lab. This allows humans to remote control the man-made Avatars on the planet using only their minds.

The primary character is Jake Sully who is a paralyzed former marine who volunteers to go to the planet to help retrieve the unobtanium after his brother is killed. His job is to use his Avatar body to become friends with the Na’vi people in hopes that he can convince them to move so that humans can extract large quantities of the rare mineral from their homeland. (I don’t want to spoil the movie so if you haven’t seen it yet you might want to skip the rest of this blog until you do.)

So Jake begins as a spy but he meets and falls in love with one of the Na’vi people named Neytiri and all of a sudden his priorities change and he decides to help the Na’vi instead of hurt them.

That’s a quick synopsis and I really don’t want to give away the entire story so now I would like to share my insights and interpretation of the film.

First of all I liked James Cameron’s choice of selecting a paraplegic former marine as the main character. What this symbolized for me was the fact that most men are “wounded” in our society and completely unaware of this fact. Most of us have some unresolved emotional conflict that keeps us from being our authentic self and this character really symbolized this point for me. In the movie, not only is Jake paralyzed from the waist down he is also grieving the loss of his brother who was killed in combat.

As the movie progresses, Jake is taught the ways of the Nav’i people and his heart begins to soften as he is exposed to the spiritual lifestyle of the Navi. He is taught how everything in nature is connected and that he should have reverence for all things. He is mesmerized by the incredible beauty of the planet and his relationship with Neytiri deepens as she teaches him to be more open to the beauty of the world around him.

Initially his love interest calls him stupid and naive but as he learns the way of the Na’vi she recognizes that he has a “”strong heart” which she finds very attractive and eventually she falls in love with him.

One of the most moving parts of the film is the expression “I See You”. It is based on the Sanskrit word “Namaste” which means “the divine in me acknowledges the divine in you”. In the movie it is used as a term of endearment which expresses that the person sees you and your true essence.

As Jake is introduced to the way of the Na’vi, he begins to embrace all of the beauty around him and he develops a deep sense of reverence and respect for the environment and the people in it. Because of the love and guidance he receives from Neytiri he learns to open his heart and fall in love. Not only did he fall in love with Neytiri, he fell in love with the forest and the Na’vi people.

This is true transformation. He learned to open his heart and share his spirit.

As the movie moves to it’s climactic ending there is a scene in which Jake is transported back to his human body out of his Avatar form. When he does, he begins to suffocate because of the air on the planet. To save him, Neytiri locates his human body and gives him a gas mask that saves his life. This is the first time that she actually sees him in his human form but her heart recognizes him immediately as she calls him “my Jake”. As he wakes up from almost suffocating he looks at her and says “I See You”. As she caresses him in her arms she begins to weep and says “I See You” which for me symbolized that she loves the true essence of who he is and they were both expressing their authentic love for one another. They were true soul mates in every way.

I loved this scene!

In summary, Avatar is a story of male transformation. It is the story of men learning to come to grips with how disconnected we sometimes feel and it provides us with an opportunity to reconnect.

The time has come for men to learn to heal their hearts and become authentic men. When they do this, they will experience what it truly means to be a loving, caring spiritually connected male. This transformation will allow men to experience the beauty of being alive and will provide the foundation for them to create loving relationships and passionate lives. This is the only way that we will see a reduction in the 50% divorce rate that currently plagues our society.

This is my intention with A New Conversation With Men. I am creating a resource for any man who is courageous enough to discover who they really are. My hope is that men use this resource to begin their own journey of transformation and eventually they will follow Jakes example in connecting with his authentic self and finding the woman of his dreams.

If you have not seen Avatar yet, run, don’t walk to your local theater and check it out.

You’ll be glad you did!

I See You!

Now that I am happily married and do not have to accidentally touch my wife’s breast, (another good reason to be happily married) I can really focus my attention on the movies and their content. As I have grown older and become more self aware I have come to the conclusion that movies are really metaphors for life and if we watch them with an open heart and an open mind they can assist us in our emotional and spiritual growth.

Steven Simon (author and producer of Somewhere in Time and What Dreams May Come) really encapsulates how I feel about movies when he writes, “Movies are the most electrifying communications medium ever devised and the natural conduit of inspiring ourselves to look into the eternal issues of who we are and why we are here.”

Now I’m sure most people reading this may not have such a serious definition of what movies mean, but to me that sums it up. Movies can inspire us and help us discover who we are and why we are here.

I must admit that I love all genres of movies, Sci-fi, Action, Drama, Comedy, documentaries, you name them I love them. Like most guys I have a passion for action films. I enjoy the special effects and explosions and of course the ass-kicking martial arts films. I remember watching Bruce Lee in Enter The Dragon and being so mesmerized by his martial arts. His body was like poetry in motion and his athleticism truly inspired me. As a matter of fact, I think I still have a knot on my head from trying to emulate his moves with my homemade nun-chucks.

Now I’m sure most guys may not admit to this but I have to say that I also love animated movies. I mean I really love them. I love the Disney classics as well as the Pixar films. I have absolutely no problem going to the theater and sitting through an animated feature all by myself even though I have been accused of being a little childish for doing so. There are two primary reasons that I enjoy animated films. First of all it keeps me in touch with my inner child and the feelings of joy that comes from that connection. Secondly, I really love computer animation and watching how technology continues to evolve and how realistic the animation looks. In my opinion computer animation is an art form. It is a beautiful creative expression that really moves me.

And now we get to the real reason I wrote this article.

You see I have a confession to make. I am not embarrassed or ashamed of this and I do not feel like less of a man by saying this. Are you ready for the confession? Here it is. I love CHICK FLICKS! That’s right I love them. Of course the appropriate term for the genre would be called romantic movies so I will use that term as I share why I enjoy them so much.

I must be honest and tell you that I have not always enjoyed romantic movies. Like most men, they would make me extremely uncomfortable because I did not know how to express my feelings as I watched them. If ever I felt emotional I would repress the feelings and not allow myself to experience the appropriate emotion. Like too many men, I was unable to be that open and vulnerable so I would deflect the emotion with some unconscious attempt to not appear too sensitive. My defense mechanism of choice was laughter. If ever I would become overwhelmed with sadness I would crack a joke to deflect the feeling. If I were overcome with joy and happiness, I would simply laugh in an inauthentic manner to keep from feeling the true joy. Whenever I feel deep joy I usually cry and that was a huge blow to my masculine ego so I never allowed that to happen. So rather than expose myself to the possibility of being emotional I used to avoid romantic movies like I avoid rectal exams.

But now things are different. As a result of my healing and inner work I am able to experience movies at a deep emotional level. I am no longer trapped in the old masculine paradigm that would keep me from “feeling” the movie. I can now allow myself the freedom to simply experience whatever emotion I’m feeling, and then, express whatever feeling I may be having spontaneously and authentically. It amazes me how much of the movies I used to miss because I did not allow myself to feel and experience the movie. Now that I am open to all of my emotions it simply makes the movie going experience more enjoyable.

When a man becomes courageous enough to move past the societal and cultural conditioning of what it means to be a man, he learns that his feelings are the language of his soul and he should not be afraid to express himself emotionally. If he is willing to do this, I can assure you that movies have more meaning; his sense of beauty is heightened, his relationships are more rewarding and fulfilling, his spirituality is deeper and more connected and his sense of self is elevated. This is a man’s greatest challenge, to get in touch with his feelings and not be afraid to express them openly and honestly.

So if you happen to be one of those guys’ that’s afraid of watching chick flicks ask yourself these questions;

Are you uncomfortable expressing your emotions?

Are you afraid that you might not be able to hold back the tears of sadness or joy?

Are you so insecure in your masculinity that you simply refuse to even consider checking out a chick flick?

Are you afraid of being called a punk, wimp or sissy?

Whatever your reason is for avoiding chick flicks just accept the fact that it does not make you less of a man by viewing a movie. Know that real men are comfortable with their emotions and have no difficulty expressing them. They aren’t afraid of checking out a chick flick every now and then because it not only helps them get in touch with their emotions, it also helps them feel closer to their mates. Sharing your emotions with your partner during and after a romantic movie can bring you closer together and create a level of intimacy that can actually improve your sex life. I bet you didn’t know that did you? Now you have a perfect excuse to go see a chick flick. Call it chick flick sex if you like, but, you must be willing to get in touch with your emotions to really enjoy it. So go for it! Take your mate to a chick flick. Just remember, it’s just a movie and sometimes big boys do cry. Just let go and feel the movie. You’ll be glad you did!

So go ahead and ponder on this for a while and let me know what you think.

In the meantime, I’ve got a hot date with my wife to check out a chick flick. If I’m lucky, I might get that opportunity to accidentally let my hand touch her breast.

I’m so excited!
See you at the movies!

Let’s begin with Tiger Woods the golfer.

In order for Tiger to redeem himself as a golfer it’s actually pretty simple. All he has to do is go out and win some golf tournaments and surpass Jack Nicklaus’ major championships record and I can assure you he will be redeemed in the eyes of the sports world. Our society has a very short memory when it comes to athletes and their indiscretions as long as the athlete can inspire and excite us with their unique gifts and talents. If and when Tiger is able to come back to the sport that he dominates he will continue to be admired and worshiped as an icon in the sports world. Therefore he would be “redeemed” in the eyes of the public.

Not that society will condone his actions, it’s just that our culture thrives on celebrity’s lives and few people in our culture are as “celebrated” and recognizable as Tiger is. Therefore the media needs Tiger to feed the media machine. Rest assured that the media needs Tiger a lot more than he needs them. In addition to the media, I can assure you that corporations also need Tiger and are also ready to move past this setback so that they can continue to profit from his celebrity. No one wants Tiger to be redeemed more than corporate sponsors. He is a billion dollar corporation in himself and there is an infinite amount of people who’s lively hood depend on him. These people are doing everything in their power right now to insure that Tiger gets back on the golf course and does what he does best, WIN!

Now let’s talk about Tiger Woods the man which is much more complicated.

Unfortunately in our celebrity dominated culture we make icons out of celebrities and then create the perception that they are somehow different from ordinary people. The truth is, all people are ordinary, it is the things that they do which make them extraordinary. The fact that Tiger is a billion dollar athlete that is an expert at hitting a small round ball into a very small hole (sounds ordinary and simple doesn’t it?) better than anyone else still does not change the fact that he is an ordinary person.

I believe this is Tigers greatest challenge. He must come to the understanding that he is an ordinary man with extraordinary talent. When he comes to this realization he will then be ready to truly redeem himself. Once he accepts this simple fact he then sets the stage for his transformation.

In order for him to be transformed he must be willing to become self introspective and get to the root causes of his self destructive behavior. The experts tell us that all addictive behaviors have at their core an unresolved emotional conflict so he must be willing to uncover his emotional conflict if he truly wants to be transformed.

This transformational process will be the most difficult endeavor he has ever embarked upon. It will be difficult because like most men, he will not be able to depend on physical prowess or intellectual acuity. He will have to look into the deepest recesses of his heart where the unresolved emotional conflict resides and that is the place where men generally refuse to look. It’s been said that the longest journey any man will take is from his head to his heart and this adage holds true for all men.

If he chooses to engage in this process he will learn that extramarital affairs are never about the physical act of sex. They are attempts to fill an unfilled emotional need. Until that need is filled and the emotional conflict is resolved no amount of sex will ever satisfy him. This is the beginning of his redemption.

It’s difficult for most people to comprehend the reality of sexual addiction. In our sex crazed culture it sounds like a cop out and justification for a mans indiscretions to say that a man (or woman) is addicted to sex. The fact remains that sex addiction is real and is no different than drug addiction, food addiction or work addiction. It might seem that it isn’t a real addiction because we relate sex with physical pleasure but I can assure you that the emotional and spiritual toll it takes on a mans well being can be devastating.

So to truly redeem himself Tiger must engage in his emotional healing and transformation. He must learn to heal his heart and take responsibility for his actions. He must be willing to seek forgiveness from those he has hurt and most importantly he must learn to forgive himself. He must concede that he is an ordinary man with an extraordinary talent but that talent should not define him. He must come to the realization that true success does not come from his ability to simply play golf, it comes from his ability to be an authentic man, to be a great father to be a loving husband and to excel at a game that he loves to play. He is a man first and a golfer second. This simple distinction is the key to his redemption.

Last but not least he must surround himself with men who will support him in being the best man he can possibly be. Men who see him as a man and not just a great athlete. Men who model integrity, fidelity and self responsibility. Men who will hold him accountable for his actions and will not allow him to fall back into old patterns of negative behavior. Men who truly understand the process of transformation and can guide him along his journey. Men who will love him unconditionally without judgment for the man that he truly is. Building this support system is key and will make the process much easier and insure his success.

So in answer to the question I posed, yes, Tiger Woods can redeem himself. But he must redeem the man before he redeems the golfer and in the end he will become a much better man as a result.